Is Having Multiple Attachment Styles Possible? Here's What You Should Know
There are a variety of tests on the online web to learn your love language, argument style, and attachment style. While all of these components of our personalities help us understand ourselves better, perhaps no type is more helpful than the attachment style. Developed in the 1940s, attachment theory explores the emotional bonds created by the people who helped raise us and how those bonds influence the relationships we have as adults, as per GoodRX Health.
Since these tests have been available for quite some time, many people know their attachment styles due to taking them on their own or getting one from their therapist. Most people fall into one of four areas. The way you relate to others could be described as ambivalent, avoidant, secure, or fearful. Although most people take the test to determine one attachment style, it is possible to identify with more than one in your relationships. Plus, identifying the attachment styles you encompass will help create full and lasting relationships as an adult.
The attachment style can depend on your relationship
It's not only possible for your attachment style to change over the years, but your style can vary depending on the person you are in the relationship with, according to GoodRX Health. For example, if you were in friendships growing up that were volatile or packed with betrayal and distrust, you may approach your adult friendships with the same uncertainty. However, you may simultaneously feel secure in your romantic relationships at the same time. In these cases, it is possible to identify with more than one attachment style. If you notice you have multiple styles within your many connections, it may be even easier to move toward a secure place in the ones that are not quite there.
Luckily, nobody has to do this on their own. A therapist can help identify attachment styles and move toward a more secure way of approaching adult relationships. To do so, the mental health expert may choose a simple talk therapy method. However, the experts at Choosing Therapy reassure us that it all depends on the therapist, seeing as there are a variety of psychotherapies. Therefore, be patient when looking for a therapist, as your first connection with one may not be instant.
Attachment styles shift
One thing to keep in mind about attachment styles is that they are on a spectrum of sorts. In other words, you may have taken the attachment style quiz a few years ago and determined how you typically respond in relationships, but there is something to be said for periodically taking it again. Depending on the relationship and how long you've been in it, your style may have shifted or it could be a combination of the two, explains GoodRX Health. In addition, you may have a tendency to bounce back and forth between styles depending on how you're feeling at any given moment in your relationship. For example, if you took the quiz to determine your attachment style when you and your partner just started your relationship, you may have felt insecure or fearful because of your youth or past failed relationships. However, if you and your significant other have progressed to a more stable, loving connection over the years, you may lean toward a more secure style now.
Traumatic experiences that occurred as an adult could also shift your attachment style. Although you may be experiencing setbacks in your relationships, it doesn't mean your attachment style will be insecure long-term. In fact, things like having a support system and keeping up with therapy can help in these situations, shares myTherapyNYC. All in all, no matter what your style ends up being, it does not mean that it won't vary with your lifestyle.